*mouths the lyrics to “The Real Slim Shady” while finger painting*
1. “Lollipop” — Lil Wayne feat. Static
“Call me, so I can make it juicy for ya” was a lyric I'd often sing. As you can imagine, I did not know what I was offering.
2. “Candy Shop” — 50 Cent feat. Olivia
“I'll let you lick the lollipop / Go 'head girl don't you stop.” Yet another sexual song about childhood treats. Plot twist: It's not about lollipops.
3. “Shake That” — Eminem feat. Nate Dogg
“I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist / Open your mouth for about four or five minutes.” I just assumed Eminem fantasized about working in the dental industry this whole time.
Interscope / Aftermath
4. “Goodies” — Ciara feat. Petey Pablo
The third song on our list that sexualizes childhood treats. “I bet you want the goodies / Bet you thought about it / Got you all hot and bothered.” I mean, what's sexual about hot, moist, tasty baked goods?
5. “Yeah!” — Usher feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris
Everyone's favorite song at the school dance is more sexual than you thought: “So gimme the rhythm and it'll be off with their clothes / Then bend over to the front and touch your toes.” Still so damn catchy.
6. “My Humps” — the Black Eyed Peas
You knew this one was coming. The Black Eyed Peas weren't subtle about anything. “Mix your milk with my coco puff / milky milky coco” is a lyric that will forever be stuck in our heads.
7. “Best I Ever Had” — Drake
Drake's falsetto and that catchy beat were almost enough to disguise this song as a family-friendly hit. But lyrics such as, “We could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it / You be up on everything, other hoes ain't never on it,” kept it from being played on my family car trips.
Aspire / Young Money
8. “If U Seek Amy” — Britney Spears
Subliminal messaging at its finest. If you didn't catch the hidden meaning in 2009, go back and give it another listen: “All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.”
9. “Just a Lil’ Bit” — 50 Cent
“Clothes off, face down, ass up.” Come on. This one wasn't subtle enough to be played at my seventh grade dance, but you better believe everyone still requested it.
10. “Save a Horse [Ride a Cowboy]” — Big & Rich
“I'm a thouroughbred / That's what she said / In the back of my truck bed.” WTF…since when was this song not about having a wholesome time on horseback?
Warner Brothers Nashvile
11. “Fergalicious” — Fergie
“So delicious (They wanna taste of what I got) / I'm Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty).” When you were little, did your parents sit you down to make sure you knew what these lyrics meant? Mine did — the birds, the bees, and Fergie.
12. “Bed Rock” — Young Money
The age demographic for Young Money is not as it sounds. “My room is the G-spot / Call me Mr. Flintstone / I can make your bed rock, ooh.”
13. “Hot in Herre” — Nelly
This song gets stuck in our heads anytime someone asks, “Is it getting hot in here?” Thanks, Nelly, but I'm still not going to take my clothes off just because it's a little warm.
14. “Touch My Body” — Mariah Carey
“Put me on the floor / Wrestle me around / Play with me some more.” Fine, but I'm having trouble picturing Kenneth from 30 Rock do any of these things with Mariah.
15. “Promiscuous” — Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland
“Promiscuous girl, you're teasing me / You know what I want, and I got what you need.” Tbh, “promiscuous” was too big of a word for me in middle school.
16. “Sexy Can I” — Ray J feat. Yung Berg
“Sexy can I, just pardon my manners / Girl how you shake it, got a playa like (oh).” No one knew what Ray J was asking, but they couldn't stop shaking it either.
17. “U + Ur Hand” — Pink
“Keep your drink; just give me the money / It's just you and your hand tonight.” Everyone knew something was up with this lyric, but couldn't put a ~hand~ on it until now.
18. “Smack That” – Akon feat. Eminem
I used to think this was just a catchy song about Lamborghini Gallardos. For whatever reason, the lyrics, “Smack that, give me some more / Smack that, til' you get sore,” went in one ear and out the other.
19. “Don’t Trust Me” — 3OH!3
“Don't trust a ho / Never trust a ho, / 'Cause a hoe won't trust me.” This song earned 3OH!3 a spot on MTV's Best New Artist list as well as parents' Don't Sing Those Lyrics in Public list.
Photo Finish Records
20. “LoveGame” — Lady Gaga
“Let's have some fun, this beat is sick / I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.” Did disco stick mean what everyone thought it did? Yes; Gaga herself stated, “It's another of my very thoughtful metaphors for a [🍆].” Yes.
21. “Ms. New Booty” — Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins
“Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight.” Fun fact about this song: It was nominated for MTV's ringtone of the year. Good thing I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone in elementary school.
Purple Ribbon / Virgin
22. “Addicted” — Saving Abel
“I'm so addicted to all the things you do / when you're rollin' 'round with me in between the sheets.” This one actually was my ringtone. #enV2
23. “Get Low” — Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz
And finally, the classic “Get Low.” Singing along to this song was the only time you could scream “my balls” and not have it be that weird. “To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS).”