California Drought: 10 Ways to Save Water

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There is no “I” in drought. There is also no “A”.

california drought, draughtBecause I live in Parched City, California, I know you little nanny goats have been dying to ask me what I’m doing to save water. Well, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, what matters is that everyone else is doing it. And I’m here to tell them what for and how to. Did you know we’re suffering from the biggest California Drought ever (if you don’t go back more than 1200 years?)

When it’s yellow, let it mellow
If you go number 2, flush down the poo.
If you go number 1, let it stay, just for fun…..unless you’ve had asparagus.

Put a brick in your toilet tank
If you don’t have a brick, and really, who doesn’t have a brick laying around the house for a rainy day, then take a one quart container, fill it with water, cap it, and put that in the tank. Just think, every four flushes save a gallon of water. If you’re thinking it’s hypocritical to fill something with water when that is exactly what you are trying to save, then just pee in it instead. Unless you’ve had asparagus. If pee grosses you out, then I don’t know, drool in it, but who has that kind of time?

Stop shaving in the shower
And stop visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters in there, while you’re at it. Recent studies show that doing hand-to-gland combat in the shower wastes up to 45,000 gallons a month, so knock it off, so to speak. You too, guys. Seriously though, according to Water Use It Wisely , shortening your shower by even 2 minutes saves up to 150 gallon per month.

Scrape dishes instead of rinsing before washing
Unless the dishes in your sink have been there a month or more, in which case I would suggest you throw them and the furry animals clinging to them in the trash. And get yourself to an AA meeting already.

Don’t throw ice cubes in the sink
If you’re a klutz like me or your refrigerator is a bitter little jerkface, throwing ice cubes across the kitchen just because you haven’t changed the filter in six years, don’t put them in the sink. Pick them up, stick your tongue out at the appliance with the attitude and put them in a house plant.

Don’t use your garden hose to water your lawn
Use your neighbor’s hose. Obviously.

Make Your Own Water
Enroll in your local university, get a bachelor’s degree in chemistry and make your own water. I mean it’s two H’s and one O, how hard could it be?

Report Leaks
Contact the property owner if you find errant sprinklers and broken pipes. You’ve been cranky anyway, what with the yellow water in your toilet and short showers, so this is an excellent opportunity for you to get all self-righteous and let off some steam and take it out on someone else instead of your partner who has to live with you all the time. Even better? A leaky hydrant means a nasty call to the government – FTW!

Make Your Own Rain
Since we have “dual climate” systems in our cars, Set the driver’s side to MAX HOT and the passenger side to MAX COOL and create your own weather system. Don’t forget a bucket for the center console.

And Another Thing
Speaking of cars, if that little snowflake button on your dashboard doesn’t make snow, take it back to the dealer and don’t leave until they fix it. Call the media and start a protest if you have to.

Talk to People (Bonus Tip)
When you’re at the coffee shop, write #DraughtTogether on your cup. When people tell you that you spelled it wrong, take the opportunity to engage in a conversation. If they won’t engage, simply yell across the store just before they run out the door, “You know the coffee is made with recycled water, right?” Which may start another conversation. With someone else.

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If you can’t tell whether I’m kidding or not about saving water during this California drought, you aren’t well informed enough about water conservation and should visit Save Our Water for the reel deets, yo.

(Photo lifted from NBC News)

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