Malik Obama is An Enemy of Progress

Everything is weird and the world is ridiculous. Malik Obama, President Barack Obama’s estranged half-brother who lives in Kenya is in the news for his endorsement in this election. Speaking from Kogelo, your uncle has let the world know that even though he is a longtime Democrat, he will be voting for the Walking Cheeto Trump in November. The NYPost got the tea.

Malik Obama Donald Trump

Apparently, he’s disappointed in the Democratic party’s support of same sex marriage because he believes in the sanctity of marriage. Him, with his three wives, thinks people should respect the tradition of man-woman oath-taking. If I cackled any louder, I might be cast in a Disney movie opposite the princess. People are dumb.

Also, he really misses his bestie Gaddafi, who the U.S. killed. Sir, your appeal of why you are switching parties shouldn’t be because you didn’t get an invite to THAT guy’s annual BBQ since he’s dead now.

And then, he is really feeling SquirrelWig McRacistpants. Talmbout: “I like Donald Trump because he speaks from the heart. Make America Great Again is a great slogan. I would like to meet him.”

security evelyn

SECURITY!!! Come get Uncle Malik, please!

So he’s gonna carry himself back to the U.S. to vote in November. I just wish Customs could hold him there for like 2-3 days so he misses the chance. I’m petty. I stand in it.

Who told Malik Obama that anyone gives a damb who he’s voting for? sir, you’re about as relevant as the gum I just spit out. Go away. There is always that one person you know who will pop up like a zit right before an important occasion.

He is that family member you begrudgingly invited to a function 20 years ago because your Granny told you to let him come. And you know you can’t argue with Grandma. So his raggedy ass comes to your house and steals jewelry when you aren’t looking. All you got are regrets and you walk by your grandmother and you wish you could cuss her out but you can’t so you just sulk. It’s all her fault.

I see why the Barack doesn’t talk to his half-brother. Clearly, Malik got the sense God gave a goat. What an enemy of progress. MTCHEW.


Doesnt go here mean girls

Who even went and asked Malik who he was endorsing?? I haz questions.

Him, Roger Clinton and Billy Carter can go jump off a step stool and form a club called “The Trifling Trifecta” where they meet once a month to throw darts at pictures of their much more successful relatives.

It must suck being the living embodiment of “Everybody ain’t able.”

I betchu he text Barack and got a reply of “new number, who dis?” With family like that, who needs enemies? Blood outchea thinner than acetone. GO AWAY, MALIK. You’re embarrassing yourself. Bitter is a terrible color on anyone.

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