Meet My New Buddy, Perry Mennow Paws

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Have you ever sat on the cold, concrete tombstone of a stranger, just to watch a gravedigger? It’s twilight and all you can hear is the shovel cutting into the soil and the birds chirping in the trees. These gravediggers, they all seem to wear flannel plaid snap-front work shirts and muddy boots. Most have beards. They won’t tell you their name. They never talk to you no matter how much you flirt with them or compliment their cracked, dry hands. Not that I’ve ever done that. I’m just curious if you’ve ever done it.

So anyway, after my recent bout with anxiety for many, many weeks and much research and much meditation and cutting out the sugar and the caffeine and the chocolate, and lots of walking and reading books on how to cope with anxiety, and talking to others with similar experiences, I’ve learned there are different types or levels of anxiety and many different ways to alleviate or cope with it and it’s different for everyone.

For me, it’s drugs. Drugs, I tell you!

I was hoping to do it without pharmaceutical intervention but all the non-drug solutions didn’t make a difference. I literally documented every hop, skip, and jump, and my body’s response to it and what works and what doesn’t.

And what works is the drugs.

Some day I hope to say “no” to drugs. But if I’m right and this whole out-of-the-blue situation is simply my brain boarding the hormonal roller coaster known as perimenopause, then it’s a temporary thing and I can eventually go off this medication.

Also? Why doesn’t Microsoft Word recognize “perimenopause”. And for that matter, why don’t any of the self-help books I read that describe all the causes of anxiety recognize perimenopause as one of them? This sounds like a call for a public awareness campaign. And it should start with a letter to all the spell checkers. I just need a mascot (what do you mean, “Ewwww gross”? This mascot wouldn’t look like an irregular menstrual cycle. How would you even design that kind of costume? Why are you “ewwwing” again?)

Anyway, if you ever experienced the long periods of paralyzing fear and high anxiety that I did, you’d understand why I was desperate to stop it and this was a situation that screamed for better living through chemistry.

I’m back to my old self now and can go to the grocery store all by myself, anxiety free.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the cemetery…you know, for a friend.

gravedigger
image source

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