Saying Goodbye to my Game of Thrones Mentor: A Fitting Obituary


Listen here. Very few shows are hellbent on killing everyone we all love like Game of Thrones. Winter is here, but even before it came, they were good for letting go of our faves. Needless to say, we’re about to get out hearts broken at rates faster than we’re used to as shit gets even more real.

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE LATEST EPISODE, STOP HERE AND TURN BACK. OK? K.

My favorite character on GOT, besides Tyrion, has been Lady Olenna Tyrell, matriarch to House Tyrell. She’s fiercely protective, super smart but also hella shady person who is basically my patronus. I dubbed her the Sophia Petrillo of Westeros from the first time I saw her and she’s had my heart since. Everything that comes out her mouth is verbal eclipse, and it is amazing.

On Sunday’s episode (702), she met her end. But she died in a way no one else on this show really has: with quiet dignity, on her own terms and also, by using her last breath to get revenge. Basically, our girl went out like a G.

The Lannister army rode into Highgarden and decimated the Tyrell troops so the Queen of Thorns calmly sat in her study and waited. Jaime Lannister met here there, and the two chatted for a bit. He clearly has much respect for her, but throughout, Olenna uppercutted him left and right with her words.

Jaime: There must be lessons in failure.
Olenna: Yes, you must be very wise by now.

BRUH. I hollered!

She then turned her attention to warning Jaime about Cersei, and her Westeros Voldemort ass. Olenna tried to school homeboy on the dangers of following a chick without a code (Omar from The Wire warned us about thugs who ain’t got no honor) and how he’s gonna follow her over a cliff. He stopped her after a bit so they can get on with what needed to be done. Jaime explained to Lady Tyrell that Cersei wanted her to die in some particularly painful ways but he advocated for her to die painlessly by poison.

She poured the poison in her wine and took it to the head in one gulp. She was happy it was gonna be painless, because according to her: “I’d hate to die like your son. Clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes blood red, skin purple. Must have been horrible for you, as a kingsguard, as a father. It was horrible enough for me. A shocking scene. Not at all what I intended.”

She ended it with:

Lady Olenna Last Words

TELL THAT BITCH I KILLED HER SON. bloop.

Savagery at its best! This woman used her last moments and last words to confess to killing Joffrey, who she also called a cunt. She tells the boy’s father, who had just shown her mercy, and then instructs him to pass the message along to Cersei. If there’s one thing she knows will stab that ice queen in the heart, it is knowing that she can no longer touch the person who murdered her child.

The LEVELS here are deeper than rap. And notice how Olenna didn’t snitch on Littlefinger, who was her accomplice in killing Joffrey. It’s because she knows he is still very much scheming his way through this game they’re all playing and she didn’t wanna mess up his Chess match. Lady Tyrell is a general in the “No Snitching” movement. Also, telling on Lord Baelish wouldn’t do anything for her. She did the right thing.

But the layers here, on how she just fucked everything about Jaime up? He looked like he wanted to die himself on that spot.

This is the face of a broken man, who realizes that he is fighting a losing battle for an evil witch who causes devastation.

I enjoyed every second of Olenna Tyrell’s last scene, and it’s only right that she went out so proper. It makes sense for her to die now, because she has nothing else to lose, as she’s already the last surviving Tyrell.

She has nothing TRULY to gain, because fucking up Cersei’s psyche is what she just told Jaime to do. Plus, even if he doesn’t tell her she killed Joffrey, she planted the seed of disloyalty in his head. This scene will come back to be very important, because now he knows Cersei is directly responsible for the death of ALL three of their children. The Queen of Thorns has done everything she was supposed to do so it was her time.

My other fave Olenna quotes from some past seasons:

“I’ve known a great number of clever men. I’ve outlived them all. You know why? I ignored them.”

“I wonder if you’re the worst person I ever met.”

“Our two ancient houses face collapse because of you and your stupidity.”

“You live among murderers, thieves and racists yet you imprison Loras for shagging some perfumed ponce.”

Lady Olenna Tyrell deserves a fune program, even though ain’t nobody alive to attend her services. As I am wont to do, I put one together for the based goon of my heart.

Olenna-Tyrell-Obituary

I’m gonna miss her dearly.

Winter is here. Valar Morghulis.


Have you bought my NYTimes-bestselling debut book I’M JUDGING YOU: The Do-Better Manual? Haven’t ordered it yet? Now’s your chance. You’ll love it. Amazon. Barnes & Nobles. iBooks. Audible (I narrated the audiobook myself). Kobo. Books-A-Million.



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