Dennis Rodman took to CNN yesterday, wearing a MAGA hat, to weep about how people came at him when he first stood with Donald Trump and went to North Korea on his behalf. All snot-nosed and rambling about how he’s been waiting for such a time as this. This former NBA player, who ain’t did anything of note since he retired over a decade ago, is now a diplomat, dealing with international relations on behalf of the President of the United States who is walking garbage in the shade of vomit orange. Like if you drink too much Fanta and threw it up.
And I’m just wondering if we are being Punk’d by life because things are just completely ridiculous and in disarray. Everything is stupid and nothing makes sense. I’m embarrassed for all of us as a collective and a people and a species.
Dennis outchea looking like EVERYTHING he (and you, your mama and your cousin too) been through. Like the word “struggle” got turned into a sentient being.
He’s looking like the word “Struggle” went out and got a spokesperson. An ambassador of anguish, if you will. Looking like he died last week and everyone forgot to tell him. Bruh, see your life. Ain’t no amount of money worth your dignity being stomped on in such a grand fashion. Ain’t no coins good enough to be walking around like what it looks like when your life is a testimony of bad decisions compounded into a butterfly effect of utter fuckshit. If a movie were to be made about Dennis Rodman, it should just be called FAIL.
Honestly, I am fresh out of love for anyone on Team Trump. I don’t have a lick of niceness for them.
I had to take it to my folks of LuvvNation and people had them a field day.
Allison: Why is he wearing my mother’s sunglasses?? He’s seriously silk lounging pajamas and a Virginia Slims 120 menthol short of my mother circa 1978!
Linda: Y’all think his foundation shade is NC45?
Amanda: More like NK45.
Jen: Foundation? Pretty sure that’s just leftover bacon grease from the jar on my counter…
DeShawn: What mortician did they call in to do beat that mug? He looks closed casket ready! He looks like he needs a dose of Cipro. Like its been burning when he pees for 2 years now and he’s scared to tell anyone. #ThrowTheWholeThingAway
Erika: My aunt said she wants her sunglasses back. He didn’t even ask to borrow them.
Yaseminae: Ole smegma face beat to actual death ass 😒
Kay: lmao….he look claymated
Nicole: I can’t look at him. I think imma turn into a pillar of salt 😵🤢
Michelle: He looks dead. Like bad funeral home makeup dead. 😩😩
Aletrice: remember how use to troll around Fashion Island with his bad makeup?! This man is and has always been a physical representation of the “bottom of the pudding cup.” #TheORIGINALsunkenplacenegro
Maria: He is the poster boy for All Things No.
Anne: Oof, I can smell the embalming fluid from here.
Viva: Listen…The Ancestors have limits. When they revoke your Blackness, you look like bad claymation (re: Stacey Dash). They also abandon you in interviews (re: Kanye West). You are left to fend for yourself in the world, and this is that PSA.
Heather: Them Jackie O sunglasses though. I cannot. 😆
Sherita: Ms. Rodman is channeling his inner Tammy Faye with that Casket Sharp #5 foundation. I was like “Negga Puleeze”.
Norma: Those are the glasses always left behind at the beach condo. The eternal “loaners.”
Tracey: Ohmygod, no. #bebest
Autumn: Why so much powder Dennis? That man’s face is beat to death. All he needs to do is lay down in a casket and let the slow singing and flower bringing commence.
Nina: Wakanda just issued a “no fly” order for this guy. He’s going to be seated next to R Kelly & Chris Brown.
Aprill: I have been trying to figure out who he looks like and it just wouldn’t come to me….then it hit me. He looks like Bebop and Rocksteady from the Teenage Mutant Turtles. And yes he looks like BOTH of them.
Nana: Foundation a little too light. Fenty is good for your skin, Dennis. Coon flawlessly. 😏
Linda: He keeps crying like that and his foundation is gonna run. #dabdontwipe
Ebony: He looks like one of the lost souls in Coco who don’t have a photo on an ofrenda in living form.
Sue: Looks like he was rode hard and put away wet.
Deanne: He looks like a botoxed turtle.
Stephanie: couldnt get past looking at his teeth! I didnt hear a word he was saying…that brown behind the lip ring snatch all of my attention! What was he saying??
Annette: He needs to pick a struggle; bad teeth, bad skin, bad friends, bad politics, just bad everything.
Bridget: He’s all the reasons for using birth control. Alladem!
Cheree: He looks like a sentient penis foreskin..
Be: He built like a Casket Sharp Coon Ass Oreo
Tanya: Jesus be a Stacy and Clinton What Not to Wear makeover! #TheHorror 😱
Darlene: He has been a fool his entire life. And when he wasn’t a fool he was an idiot. This is what that looks like made flesh and dwelling among us. Jesus be a healing.
Angela: The Worm looks like he’s been laying in a puddle after a rainstorm.
Adenike: Like I said to my homie. He looks like some extra ass Auntie doing the most at a funeral in those damn sunglasses 💅🏾
Gail: Advocate of Attempts, Agent of Averageness (Shoutout to Rick Sanchez), Attache of Aggravations, Broker of Breakdowns, Benefactor of Backing the Wrong Horse, Commissioner of Conk-Outs, Delegate of Decompensations, Deputy of Disappointments, Emmisary of Ennervations, Functionary of Flop-Outs, Go-Between of Goo-fasses, Handler of Honkifications, Intermediary of “Is this real life?,” Jockey of jackanapes, Know-it-All of Korean Clusterfucks, Proctor of Pay no Mind to, Middleperson of Malfunction, Minister of Missed Boats
Linda: The Pied Piper of Straitjacket. The Sultan of Crazymaker. Doctor of Deranged, Cukoo Cousin Gatherer.